If your light-hearted, carefree conversations with your 11-year-old child have turned into yelling matches, then you’ve officially entered the tween years. Health experts define this period in your child’s life as a time in which he or she is moving toward independence. That means that your child will begin to identify more with their friends and less with their parents. Your child, who once gave you an hour-by-hour account of the school day, may now sum up the day as “fine”.

Talking with your child during the tween years may seem almost impossible. But, don’t give up just yet. There are a few things that might help you communicate better with your tween and strengthen your bond.

Do your research

Today’s parents are lucky because there is a wealth of information at our fingertips. Whether it’s books, websites or support groups, there’s a lot ways to help you understand your tween and find tips on how to communicate with them.

Don’t miss an opportunity to talk

It’s hard to find just the right time to talk to your tween. But, you don’t have to. In fact, many times tweens don’t respond well to scheduled talks. Instead, use everyday moments to talk - in the car, at the dinner table or while watching tv.

Make health a priority

During the tween years, your child’s body will go through many emotional and physical changes. Be sure your child eats right, exercises and gets at least 8 hours of sleep. Parents should also try to stay healthy too. It’s a lot to ask, but it can make a big difference. Think about how much easier it would be to remain patient with a tween on an emotional roller coaster when you are well rested versus when you are sleep-deprived.

Keep your cool

When your child is yelling, giving you an attitude or not saying a word, it can be really difficult not to blow up at them. But, it’s best to keep your cool and stay calm. Remember, you are not always going to agree with what your child has to say. But, it’s important that they feel they are heard

Put yourself in their shoes

Remember when you weren’t invited to that birthday party and it seemed like the end of the world? We’ve all been there, whether we like to remember those years or not. Going back to those years and picturing yourself as a tween sometimes is just enough to help you see your child’s point-of-view.

Listen actively

As parents, we often ask for our children’s undivided attention. And, we should do the same for them. So, when your child makes an effort to talk to you, put down your phone, computer or whatever you are reading. Doing so will make your child feel valued and that when he or she comes to you to talk, you really listen.

Say “I love you”

When it comes down to it, the reason parents feel so frustrated, angry and drained from life with our tweens is because we love them. Be sure to tell your child that. Doing so will help your child feel secure. And, showing them that you love them is just as important. You may not be able to give a hug or kiss in front of their friends, but a smile or wave before heading off to work may just do the trick.

The tween years are tough. Some days are really long and the road may seem never-ending. Try some of these tips or lean on friends and family on those days. And, when all else fails, take a moment, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Then remind yourself that this too shall pass.

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